Gentle Suggestions // March

Hello friends, it's been a long time away from this space but after seeing so much negativity and sadness in the world I figured if there was something I could do - it would be to continue this series to bring some love and light.

March was a month of discovery in terms of self-love and introspection so if my suggestions lean towards these, it would be no surprise. For all of you who still feel like you're swimming in black water, I hope these suggestions can help you in some way or another.

ARTIST SUGGESTION

Elizaveta Porodina

Explore more of her work here.

BOOK SUGGESTION

The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat - Oliver Sacks
Everything Under - Daisy Johnson

For anyone interested in learning about the wonders of the excesses and deficits of the brain, Oliver Sacks (genius Neurologist, if I may say so) recounts the experiences he had when faced with the most interesting of patients in a very readable and sometimes hilarious manner. Through the moments I felt out of touch with other people or societal demands, Oliver Sacks drew me back to the bigger picture and I am always grateful.

If you're not much into non-fiction and would rather discover the mysteries (and delights) of the mind, Everything Under by Daisy Johnson is an excellent read. Daisy has a way with words in this novel with everything painted vibrantly when life was with the protagonist's mother and quiet, normal almost with her own. Thoroughly fascinating and thought-provoking.

MUSIC SUGGESTION

Mornin Dew - Sunni Colón

It Ain't Over 'Til It's Over - Lenny Kravitz

No words, just listen

HABIT SUGGESTION

Don't dwell, lift yourself up and in turn others.

Don't spend your moments paralysed by melancholy and the what if's - it's painful and most often, it does nothing to dwell on the past. It teaches you lessons to be introspective but when it reaches unhealthy levels of negativity, you know it's time to STOP.

1. Listen to your favourite upbeat music

2. Keep an emotion journal - map or write down what you're thinking, sometimes seeing it become tangible helps you realise that it might be menial

3. Go out or if you've been going out too much, stay in

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Gentle Suggestions // July

I've been gone for far too long and saying that I haven't had the time to sit down to write would be a lie. Truth is, I haven't had the motivation to talk about anything or to create anything. If anyone has any links to styling or photography gigs, I would really love to sign up! For now, I've compiled a bunch of suggestions I really found useful since the last time I did one of these.

PHOTOGRAPHER SUGGESTION

Karen Dias

"The small state of Haryana in northern India has the worst sex ratio in India at 879 females per 1000 males. It is also one of the lowest in the world. Haryana is also known for caste and sexual violence against women and female infanticide, rape, trafficking and domestic violence are common. But, a small and scattered community of girls are breaking stereotypes and winning international laurels in sports ranging from hockey to boxing, wrestling to football and rifle shooting. In a place where women are rarely allowed outside the house unaccompanied and wearing ‘western clothes’ and playing physical sports are a complete no-no, Haryana’s young girls are qualifying and winning in the Olympics, Commonwealth Games, Asian Games, National Games among various other national and international championships. However, the path to pursuing a sport of their choice comes with great struggle. Most of the girls belong to poor families and cannot afford the equipment, diet and upkeep required to play professionally. Most girls can’t even dream of having access to psychologists or medical facilities that their western counterparts have access to. Even though, there is a great push from the Haryana government to develop sports in the state, sporting facilities have a long way to go and bureaucracy makes it harder for some players to get access to meal schemes, prize money, etc. Some girls even mention how the prize money for girls is less than the boys for the same sports. A lot of the players don’t even have access to toilets or changing rooms." - Karen Dias Photography

In Karen Dias' exploration of society and culture in India, she manages to effectively capture the struggles, joy and everyday moments that only good photographers can. I love Karen's ability to make contrasting and impactful moments of blurry focus a staple in her style. When reviewing her artistic exploration, every story collection has a message she is anxious to reveal and although she is passionate about her subjects she does not force a perspective on you. 

See more of her photography here: http://karendiasphotography.com

Instagram

BRAND SUGGESTION

Gorman Clothing

Gorman clothing is a beautiful Australian-based ethical and sustainable clothing company. Their ability to express their interpretations of modern-day life and artists in print is amazing. The only thing I'd change about them is the look of their website. 

Shop here, follow them here. 

SONG SUGGESTION

Something Stupid - Andy Williams

Ah, Andy Williams...this is a love letter from me to you, old man. The way you sing makes me feel tingly all over and your voice never fails to make others look over in jealousy. Here's to more late nights together, dancing in my bedroom. 

Love, your avid listener. 

HABIT SUGGESTION Breathing
When it comes to stress, we're all experienced. I've found that the easiest way for me to deal with pressure and an overwhelming sensation to run and hide is to breathe. When you're about to break, take deep breaths to calm your spirit. 

1) Start by stopping what you're doing at the moment and close your eyes. 

2) Take slow and deep breaths until you start feeling your heart beating steadily. 

3) Let go of your thoughts for that few minutes and then resume whatever you're doing again. 

I hope you found my long overdue Gentle Suggestions helpful. Please let me know if you have anything to contribute as well!

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The Concept of Self // 5 Easy Habits

In the past 2 years after going through a tough period, I started looking within. I didn't want validation for the sake of it, I didn't want support from external sources when my internal foundations were weak as it is nor did I wish to most importantly find happiness in others without first finding it within myself. We've always been advised to take steps towards self-love, self-care and self-awareness but as I started on my journey towards discovering the concept of self in my life, I found myself lost and unable to find stories of others who had similar lives as me. 

Hopefully, what I've experienced with different tools, products and habits I list here will help you towards reaching the best self you can be! Sending love as usual, read on.

HABIT #1

Listen to yourself

That little voice you hear but always push away? It's time to start listening to it. All the uncomfortable times you smiled and brushed aside are all the times you disregarded your self in favour of others. 

Start by:

Acknowledging your feelings

Telling others about it 

Coping and self-reflecting 

HABIT #2

Hang out with yourself

Most people find this disconcerting when they first start and they don't usually know where to begin. We've been conditioned to not treat ourselves as if we didn't know we could be the best company we could ever have. But we are, my friends! If you don't want to hang out with yourself, what makes you think other people will want to?

Start by:

Discovering your interests (if you haven't already)

Going for something fun alone

Travelling overseas alone

HABIT #3 

Meditate

This is something I would have wrote off if you'd asked me to do this outside of yoga years ago but I can't tell you how much meditating has helped me. I don't mean I want you OM-ing everywhere you go but simply closing your eyes while focusing on your breathing when facing a tough situation will help you immensely.

Start by:

Observing your reactions to situations

Knowing when you need to stop and breathe

Putting that into action every single time you face a difficult situation 

HABIT #4

Taking steps towards self-improvement

Before I started, I had no idea where to turn to for information I could use towards having a better day, better self, better relationships, etc. besides Google and we all know how unhelpful that can be. Personally, I've found that Podcasts help a ton! Listening to them while I get ready for the day has brought so much new information and I try to keep the tips I learnt throughout the day. Besides Podcasts, there's also Headspace (a meditation app) that helps especially when I'm having a really rough day.

Check out Optimal Living Daily here and Headspace here. 

Start by:

Finding outlets that work for you

Making habits out of them 

Using them outside home

HABIT #5

Write down what you're grateful for each day/week

Even if you don't write this down, mentally thinking back about your day is already a self-reflection in itself. When recalling your day, think through towards the highs and lows. What could you have done better? What were the highlights of your day and your role in them? Did you put to action the things you said you would? How did you treat yourself? How did you treat others?

Start by:

Setting aside 5 minutes each day before you sleep to think about your day

Being grateful for the things you did well! 

Mentally taking steps to improve the next day

Making sure you forgive yourself and others for your as well as their mistakes

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5 Minutes With...He

"5 Minutes With" is a new series featuring the everyday people with stories we never bother getting to know. Exploring Singapore's social fabric to understand its people better, the series will feature anyone from fruit sellers, cleaners, housewives to immigrants.

He, who only wants to be known by her surname, is a good-natured 55 year old Chinese woman who immigrated to Singapore from China to raise her grandchild. Both of her children have been in the country for more than a decade and have since started their lives here as Permanent Residents. She speaks to me about her worries when she might eventually have to leave the country, her thoughts on Singapore and more. (Our conversation was entirely in Chinese and below is a translation)

Rachel:  Where are you from and why have you moved to Singapore?

He: I am from China and I came here to take care of my grandson.  If I didn't have to take care of my grandson, I wouldn't be here. (laughs)

Rachel: Are you enjoying Singapore?

He: I...How can I say this...I would enjoy it more if I had my own house. Right now I stay with my son and daughter-in-law...(laughs) If I had my own house, I would definitely like Singapore more! 

Rachel: Haha, what do you enjoy doing here then?

He: What do I like doing? There's nothing much I enjoy doing (laughs) or can do except to take care of my grandson. 

Rachel: But if you didn't have to take care of your grandson...?

He: Well, if I didn't have to take care of my grandson, I'd probably be enjoying my time outside going out or working even. There's nothing much to do for me except to keep the dishes and clean the house. Nothing much...

Rachel: What did you do before you moved to Singapore?

He: In the past, I used to be a housekeeper. I cleaned people's homes like sweeping the floor, washing the clothes and all that.

Rachel: Sorry, my Chinese is bad so I'll have to go home and Google translate some of the things you told me (we both laugh).

Rachel: What brings your son to Singapore?

He: My son studied here, found love and decided to start his life in Singapore. He's been here for a decade. 

Rachel: Are there any aspects of China you wish Singapore had?

He: I don't like the weather here very much and I wish Singapore's weather was more like China's. We have hot weather here but cold weather...(chuckles) I wish it was cold here sometimes. 

Rachel: So is there a country you prefer more than the other?

He: I don't really like nor really dislike any country. It's just that because my two sons are here, I just naturally am here. As I said, I would really love and enjoy Singapore a lot more if I had my own home and the freedom that comes with it. 

Rachel: Wait, so are you a Permanent Resident (PR) here then?

He: I'm not, unfortunately. I've tried to apply twice but I've been rejected both times.

Rachel: Oh no...how long have you been staying here?

He: I've been here for about seven years already. 

He: With my kind of lifestyle, do you think I have a chance to become a PR? I'm here to raise my grandson, you see. 

Rachel: I'm not too sure...in the past, it was really quite easy to migrate to Singapore but with the stricter rules in place, I think the government is trying to be more selective. 

He: But what can I do? Both my children are here...when I'm old and Singapore tells me it's time to go back to China, I will have to head back all alone. Who will take care of me when I'm all alone there? That's why I really need to get a PR here. I don't want to be in that position...if I'm actually one, even my sons will find it more convenient with me being around!

Rachel: How about your sons then? Are they also PRs?

He: They're both Singaporeans actually.

Rachel: Oh, can't you sons...hmm how do I say this...

He: When I go back to China, there's no one to take care of me you see. Who's going to take care of me when I'm old?

Rachel: How about your relatives? 

He: I only have one younger brother back in China.

Rachel: Oh, just one younger brother?

He: Yes, I don't have many relatives, my family is here. My two sons are here...it's going to be very troublesome when I'm older (chuckles). Even if I manage to stay here and get a PR status, my son can't take care of me anyway and I'd still have to head back to China. How worrisome... 

long pause 

Rachel: Maybe you can go for the neighbourhood's weekly meeting session with the minister? Perhaps that would help. 

He: Weekly meetings? Where is that?

conversation ends with Rachel giving directions to the session 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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5 Minutes With...Lao Wong

"5 Minutes With" is a new series featuring the everyday people with stories we never bother getting to know. Exploring Singapore's social fabric to understand its people better, the series will feature anyone from fruit sellers, cleaners, housewives to immigrants.

Lao Wong is a frequent face at the fruit stand in my neighbourhood. A gruff and straightforward man, I've never stopped to talk to him or bothered to find out his name. Today as I approached him to ask if he would like to have a conversation, he seemed to have a hard time expressing himself at times. Having stopped school at 5 years old to help his parents out with selling fruits, he's never thought of doing anything else. Now 74, he has 3 children and holds the opinion that he is now too old to have dreams or to try anything new. Our 5 minute conversation was entirely in Chinese so here is the rough translation below. 

Rachel: What do you do everyday?

Lao Wong: I don't do much.  Everyday I wake up, eat and help others sell fruits like durians. 

Rachel: Oh, so do you have a business selling fruits?

Lao Wong: No, I just help man the fruit stand here for the store inside. 

Rachel: What did you do when you were younger? Like when you were in your 20's?

Lao Wong: I've always sold fruits. Starting from the age of 10, I've always sold fruits. That's just it really, there's nothing much to say besides that. 

Rachel: How about your education?

Lao Wong: Studying? I've not studied since I was 5 years old to help my parents out. Since then, I've just been working selling fruits. 

Rachel: Are you happy then? 

Lao Wong: Happy? How am I supposed to be happy when I'm poor? There's nothing to be happy about.

Rachel: There's always something to be happy about. Do you have any children?

Lao Wong: Of course. I have 3 children. The youngest is already 30 years old, they're all working now and taking care of their families. 

Lao Wong: Everything is so expensive in Singapore these days...it's too hard to live and to have a good life. Look at me, I'm so old but I still have to work cause of that! I'm in my 70's and I still have to work...

Rachel: Yes, it's hard on those who can't keep up...

long pause

Rachel: Have you travelled overseas before? 

Lao Wong: Just once. I've been to China. I visited Guangzhou, Qingzhou, those places...nothing interesting about my life...

Rachel: Hmmm...did you have any dreams when you were younger? 

Lao Wong: Dreams? I've never had the chance to dream of anything. Since I left school at 5 years old and my parents had no money, how was a 5 year old supposed to have the capacity to dream? There's nothing, I never had any dreams and I'm too old now to dream of a different life. You're young, you can still dream but I'm old...I can't.

Rachel: It's never too late to have dreams. How about Singapore? Do you like it or...?

Lao Wong: I neither like nor dislike Singapore. It's just as it is. I've never had an opportunity to think about living in other countries. As long as I get by, that's enough.

Lao Wong: I'm already so old. In a few years time, I'm going to die. What's there to do in this old age? What can I do? I'm useless.

Rachel: Don't say that, you're not useless. 

Lao Wong: All I do everyday is sleep, eat, sleep, eat, sleep, eat...there's nothing to do...do a little work here and I go home again.

Rachel: Do you do anything in your free time?  

Lao Wong: Free? When do I ever have free time? I just walk, I guess. I walk around the estate and go home after. Watch some TV and that's it. What is there to do? There's nothing to do. I don't know how to do anything, how am I supposed to do it? (chuckles to himself) I've never had the chance to use my brain. As long as I can get by, I'm fine. Best not to think too much anyway or I'll go siao (crazy in Singlish). 

we both laugh

Rachel: Okay. Thank you, Lao Wong. See you around then.

Lao Wong: See you.

 

 

 

 

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